White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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