Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
