as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
There's even glitter on my cock...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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