Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
