do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Come see our sink grown plant.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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