i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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