my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
