We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
