her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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