Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
