for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Randomize
