i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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