you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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