our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize