Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
