First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
