Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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