So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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