Whoa Z and x make the same sound
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
