The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We had sex on a dog bed..
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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