I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
