dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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