Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
