It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
