5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
