Little spoons don't ask big questions
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
