Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
