all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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