Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
