Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
