im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
