I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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