For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
