what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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