I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
