Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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