I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
