Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
