is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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