none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize