why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize