I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize
