If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
