brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just gargled with NyQuil
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