Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize