i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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