So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
