perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
A bitchslap is in order.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
