Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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