I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
His hands were made for my vagina.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
