Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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