If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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