time to smoke my breakfast
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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