Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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