Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
