How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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