suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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