omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
