Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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