remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
