He had one of those small greek statue penises
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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