One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
