I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
