You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
