she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize