I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
