Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
