Whatcha textin bout Willis?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
