I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
