It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
