Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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