Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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