thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
