Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
