Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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