So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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