forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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