she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize