so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
