my vag is so smooth its legendary
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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