i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
