I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
