3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I wish my penis had an off switch
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
