Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
