Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
