Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Panties = found
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
