Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
