It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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