Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
