Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
